Sunday, 20 November 2016

THE FRIEND INSIDE

As my eyes peered out of the glass
My mind wandered to lands of the past.
To the places I had been.
To the people I had seen.
Its a funny thing, life
One moment you seem to be cruising 
The other it could be a battle you are losing. 
You may have faced countless obstacles. 
But you know you got to keep moving.

A sun ray hits  your face.
Distracted, your thoughts slow their pace. 
Reflecting on where you are,
Pondering on where you are headed
I think You were on the right tram.
I think you are past the phase you dreaded. 

How can you feel down
When you know you've earned a crown.
Its such a beautiful feeling
When you see even the sun is setting 
Yet you are still rising.
You are above the clouds
Yet anxiousness you are symbolizing.
I think you are meant to soar
Don't you think it's about time you roar.


 A desert of salt
Covered by an azure ocean of blue.
It was like you were fresh out of the vault.
On you, the winter sun's yellow hue.
I think you are meant to soar
What about you?

So just keep your head up and ears open.
This time you have truly woken.
You are now an unstoppable force
Your spirit has taken you on a divine course.
Now there is no looking back
You are surely on the right track. 
It doesn't matter what they call it, white or black
If you believe in what you are doing
Just take their opinions and put them on the rack.

If ever in a moment of self doubt
Just snap out of that clout.
You navigate your own route
Of that never stop being proud.
Surely there will be moments where you are shaken
It will make you question the road you have taken.
But believe and your spirit will come to the fore
It will elevate you like never before.
Nothing teaches like adversity,
Don't run away from it
Face it with bravery,
Life's experience are full of diversity
Some moments could be alluring and others quite unsavory.
Learn from both
But never treat it as slavery.
Just follow your true calling
The outcome can never be appalling.

 As your aircraft begins to descend 
There is not much left to comprehend.
Your spirit needs no uplifting 
Its still in the air meandering.
Don't try and tame it
Never try to blame it.
It will never lead you astray
It takes self doubt out of the fray.

Once you touchdown
Don't be a bird that stays clung to the ground.
Don't be a bird without its wings
Your place is in the heavens
Your place is in the pantheon of kings.
So fly away my friend,
Fly to your mind's will
Its upto you to be an eagle or an hornbill.



So goodluck to you my friend.
I am with you on every bend 
I am with you till the end.
But don't keep me in the boot
I call shotgun on this journey
Together we can split the loot.
Don't turn a deaf year to me 
I am your spirit and I will make you free.

 As my eyes peered out of the glass
My mind wandered to lands of the past.
To the places I had been.
To the people I had seen.
Its a funny thing, life
One moment you seem to be cruising 
The other it could be a battle you are losing. 
You may have faced countless obstacles. 
But you know you got to keep moving.

A sun ray hits  your face.
Distracted, your thoughts slow their pace. 
Reflecting on where you are,
Pondering on where you are headed
I think You were on the right tram.
I think you are past the phase you dreaded. 

How can you feel down
When you know you've earned a crown.
Its such a beautiful feeling
When you see even the sun is setting 
Yet you are still rising.
You are above the clouds
Yet anxiousness you are symbolizing.
I think you are meant to soar
Don't you think it's about time you roar.


 A desert of salt
Covered by an azure ocean of blue.
It was like you were fresh out of the vault.
On you, the winter sun's yellow hue.
I think you are meant to soar
What about you?

So just keep your head up and ears open.
This time you have truly woken.
You are now an unstoppable force
Your spirit has taken you on a divine course.
Now there is no looking back
You are surely on the right track. 
It doesn't matter what they call it, white or black
If you believe in what you are doing
Just take their opinions and put them on the rack.

If ever in a moment of self doubt
Just snap out of that clout.
You navigate your own route
Of that never stop being proud.
Surely there will be moments where you are shaken
It will make you question the road you have taken.
But believe and your spirit will come to the fore
It will elevate you like never before.
Nothing teaches like adversity,
Don't run away from it
Face it with bravery,
Life's experience are full of diversity
Some moments could be alluring and others quite unsavory.
Learn from both
But never treat it as slavery.
Just follow your true calling
The outcome can never be appalling.

 As your aircraft begins to descend 
There is not much left to comprehend.
Your spirit needs no uplifting 
Its still in the air meandering.
Don't try and tame it
Never try to blame it.
It will never lead you astray
It takes self doubt out of the fray.

Once you touchdown
Don't be a bird that stays clung to the ground.
Don't be a bird without its wings
Your place is in the heavens
Your place is in the pantheon of kings.
So fly away my friend,
Fly to your mind's will
Its upto you to be an eagle or an hornbill.



So goodluck to you my friend.
I am with you on every bend 
I am with you till the end.
But don't keep me in the boot
I call shotgun on this journey
Together we can split the loot.
Don't turn a deaf year to me 
I am your spirit and I will make you free.

Monday, 24 October 2016

WILDFIRE

Let’s put the world on fire.
Let’s try and never tire.
This world needs a mad love,
So let’s draw it with the colours from only our heart
Let the  picture burn so bright so the songs of our love are sung by every choir.
So that we light up the world for years even as we leave it ablaze on the pyre.
So get rid of your ghosts and stoke that wildfire.

It’s been said too many times,
Yet it never hits our minds.
We need to listen to the call of our heart especially in matters of the heart.
Get over your fear of being rejected,                    
move beyond the anxiety of being dejected.
There is a strange bliss in stating, to that special someone, what’s inside your heart, unadulterated.
There is a rare freedom in putting your love out there, for them to see it in its purest form.
Your words unfiltered, leaving you totally unprotected.
Its beautiful to be rid of "what if I tell them" or " it can't work out anyway for..."
For trust me, once you let out what’s inside even a rejection is positively infected.
So get rid of your ghost, for its no Casper and go stoke that wildfire.

Come come, begin again.
Its just a broken heart.
Have a little faith and let them in,
They don't have to be like the last one.
Let go of your previous baggage, it weighs more than a ton.
The world is your oyster and it’s your treasure.
So just because you didn't find the pearl once you don't have to turn around and run.
So get rid of your ghosts and put yourself out there for you are not done.
So put yourself out there and let sparks fly and that will stoke your wildfire.

There is no bigger tragedy than living a life wondering 'what if?'
There is someone out there just waiting for the right moment to jump off that cliff.
Waiting for you to open your heart, to open your arms, so that they jump straight into your embrace.
Too many people have given up on love because they have been hurt too many times.
They replaced it with this notion of practicality.
But since when did love have anything to do with that, it's about vitality.
It's got nothing to do with practicality but more with brutality.
It's a matter of the heart, its a matter of morality and mortality.
Maybe it ends the same way, maybe its the same old reality.
But unless you go all out with your feelings not wondering about the consequence.
Unless you say how feel as you feel it, how can you know in totality.
So get rid of your ghosts and just trust gravity.
So get rid of your ghosts and go stoke that wildfire.

For a lot of people the heart faced one bad storm and is now forever shrouded in winter.
Little do you know that someone out there is just your splinter.
They will cut through the snows of heartbreak and make you glitter.
They will melt away the pain and everything bitter.
Don't face away from the summer sun and deprive yourself of the love you deserve.
Don't let anyone kill your magnificent verve.
Bask in the sunlight and be your own knight.
Let the rain come and wash away all the wrong
Let that person come and write you  a new song .
So get rid of your ghosts like Bilbo Baggins from the shire.
So get rid of your ghosts and go stoke that wildfire.

Home is where the heart is.
But the heart is where there is love.
Home in the valley, home in the city.
Without love home isn’t pretty.
You have one life,
Don’t waste it busy in strife.
Go find that someone who burns for you
The person who always yearns for you.
So get rid of your ghosts and go stoke that wildfire.

Go out there and be naive.
Go out there with your heart on your sleeve.
Open up your heart and have faith,
It does not matter if it’s your first time or your eighth.
There is someone out there who will give you butterflies,
If you don’t open up though they will remain a caterpillar forever waiting to go into their cocoon.
You don’t realize it now but they could be your biggest boon.
If you don’t know the person how can you conclude that it’s not meant to be
Maybe they are just the seed you need for your garden’s tree.
So get rid of your ghosts, not everyone is a liar.
So get rid of your ghosts and stoke that wildfire.

So come give me a chance.
So  come, let our hearts dance.
Together we could be full of light,
Two fireflies heading out into the dark night.
The empty streets of our hearts we can illuminate,
So come, come and let the path be guided by fate.
Oh darling, don’t give up on love just when I have reached you.
I was caught up in the traffic of my misfortunes or I surely would have breached you.
For how can it be fortunate that life kept me away,
From a simple look at you so that I could walk up and just say ‘hey.’
So come and let’s forget about what will happen.
So come and let’s stop the lonely hand clappin.
So get rid of your ghosts and forget about the consequences, both great and dire.

So get rid of your ghosts and stoke that wildfire.

Monday, 15 August 2016

Hitting 23.

I start writing this (hopefully end it also) on the day of my twenty third birthday. Yes that's some realization that you have spent twenty three years on this planet, in this life and while there hopefully is still a long way to go, you also realize how far you have come. Twenty three is a weird age, you are still pretty young to be reckless, immature and without the burden of much responsibility. At the same time you are old enough to have to be careful, well planned and with the pressure of making something out of yourself.  It is a conundrum of you wanting to live free without any expectation or responsibility and to simply follow your heart but at the same time you know that to move forward with this myopic thinking would or could be hazardous. Most of all, at least for me this is an age of nostalgia. I have been reflecting on the life that I've lived and how much it has changed over the years. 
  Let's start from when I was about 10 years old. Life was simple back then, still in junior school there wasn't much pressure to study beyond doing my homework, the subjects were simple and fractions were my biggest problem.  The day after coming home from school was pretty simple.  Have lunch, sit with mom for a bit to discuss my day at school, which was a pretty short conversation on the lines of "it was good." I was not much of a talker, and still am not when it comes to serious stuff related to me  and I didn't have many friends in school apart from one or two and I was pretty happy with that. Post that conversations was an hour long session on my computer playing Need for Speed 2 or Cricket 98 Ashes tour. Then Pokemon at 5:00 and Beyblade at 5:30 (those were the days). But all of this was done just to pass the time so that it was six in the evening. This was my favorite part of the day for the best part of a decade or even a little more. Why? It meant to go out and play cricket in the colony. I don't remember enjoying anything more in my life to this date than those evening sessions in the park. The competitive spirit was something which had to be seen to be believed, for the next three hours, I was living life and I was living it to the fullest, even writing about it is giving me chills. I would give up anything to have those days back. Anything at all.
  Life moved on and then my teens arrived and so did middle school. Science became Chemistry, Biology and Physics and Social Studies became History, Geography and Civics. The routine was altered a little, so after my pretty much uneventful day at school and the same conversation with my mom the session on the computer was now playing FIFA as my love affair with football had started to brew. Post that instead of watching TV the time was spent studying or doing homework rather as the burden had increased a little. But as soon as the clock hit six everything had to be put aside and I picked up my bat, wickets and strode out of my house like Sir Donald Bradman going out to bat. Again for three hours life was lived and enjoyed the way it should be. The cricket season now though had an off time of about a month during finals as  a lot of my friends had started taking tuitions, or even if they had not they were the ones who believed that staying at home all day during exams was directly proportional to getting good grades. So apart from a couple of rebels like myself there was no one left. After coming home post cricket, I still managed to catch the repeat of Beyblade and Pokemon before Cartoon Network shut down for the night and the television became a desolate place of news.
  During the early years of my teens I had a huge collection of Pokemon cards and also of Beyblades. I spent a fortune on them, buying decks, beyblades, stadiums for beyblades etc. After Enid Blyton had enlightened my childhood with her magic, my reading somewhat fell by the wayside. This was the time when I consciously decided to pick that up again. From age thirteen to fifteen I was pretty much like any other boy of my age. Then the cracks and the gaps began to appear and they only became wider with time.
 By the time I was fifteen,  I had just entered grade nine and with that senior school was upon me.  I was in an all boys school and my female interaction was quite low. To be honest I had absolutely zero female friends at this time and I had never really had any prior to this also. There was an all girls school right across the road and by this time many boys of my class had started mingling with those girls, they had many friends from that school and even dated some of them. So everyday when we used to walk to our buses after school I could see a lot of my batchmates just chilling with their female friends. Not me though, my route from the school gate to the bus was pretty linear.
  As time progressed these friends of mine used to have plans with the girls to chill after school as well. Not me but, I never even had a choice as I was quite an introvert and going out of my to talk to a girl never came naturally to me, it still does not. I was occasionally envious of my friends in this respect, but never too much and never after I got home from school. Because even though I was midway through my teens now and puberty was hitting me, the thing that still gave me the most joy was my friends and the park, It could be badminton, football or cricket, It did not matter, just the feeling of living in that moment truly, forgetting everything else just wanting to win was liberating. Though I must admit, I was not that good at the first two sports, cricket was my forte even if I enjoyed football a lot more.
 So here I was a boy in class 9 in an all boys school, with no female friends and apart from one, at most two friends in class (and they also were not part of the "cool group" ) and even though I was cordial with many more it was nothing close to what I would call a friendship.  Furthermore, given that I was skinny as hell, it only invited one thing, bullying. I have no shame in admitting I was bullied quite a lot in school especially in class 9 and 10.  It was not ragging or anything just plain bullying. To be fair to my batchmates it was done with no ill will from their side and it was all just for fun, I myself indulged in it when they picked on someone else so I am not complaining at all. For all I know it made me tougher.
  Having said that, sometimes there are days when it just gets to you. When Monday to Friday everything that you do, every action, every word you say, every gesture you make, the way you walk, the way you run, the way you talk is overanalyzed and made fun of your confidence goes for a toss and mine did. I could not raise my voice against these people because literally everyone in class was physically stronger than me , even though I was taller than most. So even if someone just randomly keeps slapping your head or pushes you around, or insults you day in day out, the only option is to learn to deal with it and by that I don't mean to tolerate it but to find ways out of that situation. Once more to be fair what made it easier was I always knew most people did it with the intention of banter and on most days thats how I took it as well. There were a few though, who did particularly seem to be sadists but that was that.
Even though my confidence went for a six, I always put on a smiling face. I never hated school, infact I almost always looked forward to it. This was also the time when I lot of people around me started smoking, drinking and even smoking up but somehow I didn't get stuck into it, probably because of a lack of friends I had no one to do it with but more likely because I just was not interested. My life was reading, playing in the park and just being disconnected from anything else and I was the happiest in that state.  However no phase lasts forever and this also came to an end as soon as I entered class eleven a lot of things in and around me started to change, maybe puberty came around a little late because there were a lot of firsts in my life during this phase including but not limited to my first beard trim.
  As I entered class eleven my long drawn transformation from being an introvert to an extrovert begun. Firstly to be rid of subjects that I hated made the classroom a much more enjoyable place. Most importantly however, I made new friends. This was not a conscious effort by any means but it just happened so that I eased into conversations with other people. I made a set of friends who happened to be in the cool group but more importantly there were a lot of fun to hang with. My memories with them to this date have one thing in common, laughter, nonstop laughter. No matter what the situation or how serious we would just get through it laughing and with a lot of banter. For the first time in my life I started to have plans after school and moreover plans which lasted into the night which was quite a first for me. I remember in the beginning the outings used to be me having a milkshake and pizza at Route04, Khan Market while my friends used to be sipping on beer and hookah and some of them had a cigarette entwined in their fingers as well. Also its not like taking my case stopped now, but now it was done by people who were my friends and it was much more like friendly banter and these guys could take banter on themselves as well. Instead of my confidence declining now, it was coming back and that is why to this date these people are amongst my closest friend. I have a lot to thank them for, not least the way they gave me,  a child totally living in a shell of innocence and ignorance uptill now, a lot of needed exposure which helped me grow.
 One day somewhere around the middle of class eleven I saw a girl across the road near the girls school opposite ours and there was something that just ticked inside me that time and I just had to get to know her.  I knew her by face as she was a friend of my cousin's and eventually I got around to adding her on social media and that was definitely not my first female interaction but one of the first few. Eventually I did get to know her and made many more friends from that school during this time and I certainly enjoyed all these new friends that I had.
 However because I had almost zero female exposure before this, this influx of the same caught me totally off guard. I have to admit that for these one and a half years since I entered class eleven, I acted quite desperate and asked almost anyone out to date me. Eventually all these new friends that I made distanced themselves from me apart from one or two (of which one I never asked out to begin with and she is one of my closest friends till date), and looking back I don't even blame them.
  It is worth mentioning however that in the evening the park outings were now very seasonal. The summer vacations obviously were a big hit, with us playing everyday for three hours in the morning and three hours in the evening. Then there was a totally barren season for a couple of months, before being back during the Diwali and then the winter break. Nothing has given me more joy in life and I don't think anything ever will ever again.
  Eventually I got a hold of my hormones and became a lot more tolerable as a person. By the time I entered class twelve I had even had  2-3 very short relationships, something which would seem totally unthinkable to the person I was just a year ago. It was a whirlwind year in which I transformed a lot, and for the better in many ways.  Now in class twelve, the outings with those friends were the same, just that I too had a beer mug in my hand and also the hookah. I maybe would have taken to the cigarette as well, but somehow that just didn't make sense to me ever. I am naturally a very awkward person around new people,  keeping shut most of the time. However, hanging with these people made me a lot more confident in public and I don't have as much of  a problem gelling with new people anymore.
  As school ended it was quite a journey I made as a person and I grew into someone I really liked. I have written many times about my college life before so I won't go into much detail here. I made some really great friends during my college years and some of whom I would say are friends for life. Just before college started I started dating the girl I saw across the road from my school back in eleventh grade and I dated her for a little more than four years, only to eventually break up. The relationship was very special to me at the time and it taught me a lot as did it give me a lot of happiness and joy. As person I am someone who when they love someone, they love with all their heart and soul or nothing at all. That and the fact that it was my first serious relationship and I was a little immature in this aspect because of that made me commit certain mistakes during the course of the relationship like being too immersed in it and doing everything I did because of that. All my happiness was dependent on the relationship and that was not a nice thing in retrospect. Fortunately or unfortunately the relationship did not last and we broke up after four long years. The break up taught me a lot more about myself than I expected it to though. I learned to do so many more things for myself that gave me a lot more happiness than I could have imagined and again I grew a lot as a person both during the relationship and probably a little more after it.
 Now as I turn twenty three I have a lot of things going for me. I work in a company that was recently voted India's second best to work in after Google. I like to think that I am good at my job and I do get appreciated from time to time. The company is really employee friendly as I get a lot of time for myself and the leave quota is to die for. Personally I am in a really stable place and happy with myself on many levels. I am a lot more assured of myself and a lot more at ease when meeting new people than I was, say three years ago. I no longer am a skinny person and have really worked on the way I look, as honestly I was real tired of getting pushed around for being too skinny. I have managed to maintain my reading and not let it fall by the wayside and neither have I given up on my writing. I am currently not involved with anyone romantically almost a year after my breakup. There were a few who showed real interest in me quite recently but I didn't reciprocate those feelings. There was one who I wouldn't say I liked, because I hardly knew her but someone who certainly I would have liked to get to know better and I tried to do the same but there my efforts were not reciprocated and that was that. But I still am really pleased with the place I am in on that front, being single has its own benefits and while I am not closed at all to the prospect of a relationship, it has to be the real thing and not something just the sake of it.
 At the same time there is a lot of feeling of uncertainty about the future. I am really comfortable in my job and there are hardly any complains on that front, but it doesn't seem like my calling. I honestly do not know what my calling is and that is something that gives me a lot of stress  from time to time. I have become a people's person over the years, nothing gives me more joy now than to just make others laugh and thus a job which involves me sitting behind a desk at all times doesn't seem really appealing. I love to travel, especially to drive around over really long distances, I love to entertain, writing is one thing that I really enjoy, but I still am not sure about my passion, my calling and I hope to find it soon and something tells me I will. Personally also I am not out looking for love but have not closed myself to its possibility and I don't think that will happen as I am a romantic at heart.

  Just to close out this piece, I know from where I have come, I have no idea where I am going but I am loving where I am for now and something inside me really tells me every time I doubt myself, that the good times are coming and when they do, I will be ready.

Sunday, 17 July 2016

A paradise for thirteen summers.

It was morning and your mother came to wake you up. "Five more minutes", you said.
You were not really feeling sleepy but the terror of doing what came next had taken over and you wanted to delay the inevitable as much as you could.
You refused to budge from your bed.
The more terrifying prospect however, was your mother's rage.  So you got up and headed for your bath.
You didn't know it back then but your life was taking a new path.
As your father raised you off the ground, so that you could see your face  in the mirror while you brushed your teeth, you looked at your groggy eyes with a sense of self pity.
You were subject to the world's most harsh atrocity.
You got dressed and made your way from home with a not so nice feeling in your stomach.
Your parents dropped you at the gate and you put a bag bigger than yourself on your shoulder.
To add to that water bottle around your neck and the weight was more than a boulder.
Your parents saw you as you started the long walk from the gate to the premises till you would disappear.
The child that went it would never reappear.
As you entered your classroom you saw faces that you would share 7 hours of the day with for thirteen summers.
Your class teacher entered and in perfect synchronization all 40 of you rose to wish her a good morning.
Each one of you stood and told your story to the class, while at the same time you wondered with anxiety how the time would pass.
Learning the alphabet and how to count was your new thing.
Oh how you yearned for the afternoon bell to ring.  
When it rang you ran for the bus like it was nobody's business, you wanted the first seat at all costs.
On your way home the giants who sat at the end of the bus would cross you and would say that you are cute and would indulge you in an antic or two for a couple of minutes before retreating to their abode.

You smiled as you entered home, you had survived your first day at the concentration camp.
You entered the same place you left with much terror with equal amount of optimism as it was time for your afternoon nap.
You awoke in the evening and as you had your milk and an evening snack you put on the television to watch Pokemon, Beyblade or any other of the cartoons on TV at that time.
Much to your disappointment your mother would not let you go out till the sun was gone for fear of you getting ill, your impatient self would still wander out to the park a few minutes before sunset.
The favorite part of your day had arrived and the next two hours were absolute bliss.
Playing your favorite sport in the colony with your friends with a level of competitiveness that could put a world cup final to shame.
There was one unsaid but absolutely unavoidable rule, the person who owned the equipment was the king.
If the guy who owned the wickets was out, he would simply take them and waltz right back home claiming foul play and then had to be pacified.
You got home all mucky and sweaty and had nothing else to look forward to that day.
After dinner you would enter the world of dreams but not before asking your dad to keep monsters under the bed at bay.
Time passed and gradually you got comfortable with school and you made a few friends, recess was not spent alone anymore but was spent playing catch or hide and seek.
You knew the alphabet now and had forayed into learning addition and multiplication.
You now knew what fractions were in math class but still didn't understand how they worked, because when your friends said he will eat half your food you had a portion much smaller than him.
Social Studies and Science were added to your list of friends who would seem friendly all year long but when finals week came along they were nowhere to be found in your brain.
The morning assembly was a place you didn't really like. 
Who enjoys standing in the sun for half an hour while a certain class just went on about a random topic?
However if your class was the one conducting the assembly then it could not be taken lightly, because for one it was a matter of pride for your class teacher and if it got messed up, well its safe to say there was going to be no smile in response to your good morning wishes.
As you went from kindergarten to fifth grade, the afternoon naps became shorter as you had homework to do and the daily outing to the park could and would not be shortened.
The fight was to sit in the front of the class so that the teacher thinks you mean business and maybe makes you the class monitor. That would be a proud achievement for anyone.
Everyone from the first bench to the last was interested in what was being taught.
Junior school was a mix of emotions, from hating the prospect of going to school, not knowing  many people there and them not knowing you to gradually getting comfortable in your surroundings and getting accustomed to your family for the last six years.
One thing did not change though, the agonizing wait for the afternoon bell.

As we entered sixth grade our sections were shuffled, some of our companions of six years were shifted to another section, some stayed while new ones came. Middle school was upon us.
There was an added sense of both fascination and responsibility now. Though most of  us never really delivered on the latter the former excited us.
Our teachers told us we were big boys/girls now and even though this was definitely not their intention, this gave us a misplaced sense of entitlement which was only going to grow.
If Science was not enough as a subject alone to scare the life out of you, it was now Physics, Chemistry and Biology to terrify you.
 Social Studies had now become, Geography, History and Civics.
However as the number of subjects increased so did the fun.  You started participation in extra curricular activities.
The actor, debater, footballer, swimmer in you started to blossom.
When you just entered middle school in grade six, the innocence of junior school was still intact, you still did your homework on time, you still sat in front of the class or at least tried to, you raised your hands to ask a question to show the teacher you are paying attention.
Gradually however this innocence faded, as you entered seventh grade homework started to be done in the morning in school itself.
Then the daredevils made their first appearance, they were just a handful of you who left the war to sit in front of the class, you were the breakaway group and formed the original members of the "backbencher crew".
Every teacher (except for one really cool one) had disdain for these people. These were the criminals and the teachers I think knew that their arrogance and ignorance would attract more.
The first four rows of the class still represented those who were trying to get brownie points from the teachers, of these everyone including the teachers knew that only a few actually meant to study the rest were just trying to show the teachers they were.
To escape class and its atrocities we would fake a stomach ache to escape to medical room for a period or two. What bliss.
The chemistry lab was your devil's workshop and mixing various acids in beakers and test tubes sneakily, whilst the lab assistant was looking away became the new cool thing to do.
The physics lab was where you saw life through a prism.
The biology lab was the place you would stick a toothpick in your mouth to scrape cheek tissue and then analyze it to compare it with onion cells under the backdrop of a creepy skeleton in a case.
As you progressed to eighth grade the amount of attention you paid to the class decreased even further, however the severity of the punishment increased too.
If you were caught chatting with your mates even after multiple warnings, the teacher would ask you a question to which even the class nerd would not know the answer and it basically ended with you kneeling down for the duration of the class.
When the teacher entered the class now, half the class would stand and half would not bother to wish the teacher. She/he however would still insist that all of you stand and wish her, wanting to impart basic manners in the students. Looking back they were more like Alfred not giving up on Bruce Wayne and i guess we owe them quite a bit for the manners we have in us.
The number of backbenchers also increased a little, their courage increased slightly more and they now used to do all sorts of antics in the class, from making funny noises to outright sleeping in the class.
A couple of them would also dare to answer back the teacher when being accused of something, they would take a stand for themselves, a sight unseen uptill now. This would elevate their status to class legend for a while, where all the others would come to them and talk about the incident for days.
You now started to go out with school friends for after school scenes as well, as long as you were back home by 7-7:30 in the evening your parents were anxiously fine with it.
The movie theatre was the popular destination or a pool center or maybe a bowling alley. This feeling of independence, limited though it may be gave you a sense of excitement and you loved it.
Then there were those two or three members of every group that wanted to add an extra zing to the outings, while most resisted at the same time being fascinated by these people or judging them or both, there were these selected few who would take the plunge into the world of crime.
They would come out of the movie theatre and walk upto the panwadi outside and ask for an ultra mild. Oh those monsters you would think, unless you were one of them ofcourse.
The number of people in the park had also now decreased with people taking up tuitions in the evening and nothing made you more sad than not playing in the evening, but still they were few who resisted the temptation of taking tuitions and they would religiously be there everyday at 5. They were the real keepers.
The one thing that still had not changed was the painful wait for the afternoon bell and the joy that you felt when that did happen.
You wouldn't run like mad for the bus though anymore, you would walk towards them as that seemed more cool.
You had also moved behind in the bus from the first 2-3 rows to the next ones somewhere in the middle of the bus but still a little towards the start.
However here also there were a few rebels who would go within touching distance of the last few rows, the seat to fight for was the high one near the back door.
You had graduated from playing hand cricket or something of the like and now used to talk to your friends, probably bitching about the most hated teacher in the school to pass your time going home.
There were few who would fool around in the bus probably picking on one poor chap and taking his case all the way home.
The people in the last two rows of the bus didn't seem that big anymore but were still a bit intimidating.
Rides home were always fun especially if two people got into a fight on the bus. There would be cheering and shouting and on few special occasions if it would seem like the two are reconciling some senior from the end of the bus would come and add fuel to the fire (this would be something very common in an all boys school).


It was time to enter grade nine now, senior school. This time your teachers didn't have to tell you that you were big boys, you knew it yourself.
Some of your friends had left for a new school while some new ones had come to yours in the past nine years the crux of the family still remained though.
Your classes were shuffled one more time, but it did not matter anymore. The friendships forged were strong enough now to pass the test of partition.
Just after a class would end and the teacher left and before the next one came in you would wander into the neighboring class across the border to meet your friends, while one person would stand guard on the door and would keep a hawk eye on the end of the corridor to warn you when the teacher would come, so you could scuttle back to your class.
When the teacher entered the class now five or six lone rangers would still stand and greet her, while the others would either continue their conversations like nothing had changed or they would greet the teacher seated where they were.
The teachers also were a bit fed up now to be bothered to make us greet them.
The first three rows of the class still represented those who wanted to study, to pay attention to every detail and to show the teachers they were doing that.
The balance however had undeniably shifted towards the backbenchers, with everyone behind the third row now under the spell of being a rebel.
The back answering had increased substantially, so had the other antics of these back benchers. Now when the teacher called you out for misbehaving and after arguing your innocence in the laziest of fashions with her (its like you wanted to lose the argument but argued for the sake of looking cool), when you were asked to leave the class and kneel in the corridor it was like a medal being awarded to you and you would walk out with a smile on your face, it was an excuse to not sit in that excruciating lesson and at the same time to show the class that you did not care about the teacher, rules or anything at all.
While one or maybe two of them would actually not care the rest were just showing it as the case. How could you spot these pretenders? Well when the subject teachers were giving out the internal marks and they had failed every test, they would be the ones going to the teacher with a puppy face and telling the teacher they would really improve their behaviour now and become the brightest students of the class.
While some teachers would give them grace marks by the magic of these words, others would make them  work for it by giving an assignment or a project, there would always be one teacher however who would not budge no matter what. You could tell them your dog died, you had cancer, you broke all four limbs even if you told them you died and could not study for the test, these would still not give you any grace marks. You were basically Matilda and they were Mrs Trunchbull. Hard luck.
We no longer faked an illness to escape class bunking class had now become a thing. We would escape the to the field or to the basketball court.
If a special function or event was coming up in school, we would tell our teachers we needed to practice for the same  and we would rush to the auditorium where we would happily overstay our welcome.
The storm of trigonometry and economics had come to ravage our lives and we needed to gear up to face them.
While the class toppers resisted, or at least they claimed they did, most of us now had succumbed to tuitions.

Tuitions also were chosen by many not on the basis of how well the tutor taught, but what sort of crowd went there. The opposite sex was finally making its presence felt on our lives.
The timings for outings with friends had now increased to 9:00-9:30 as we would give our parents the number of few of our friends lucky enough to own a cell phone.
The puff of smoke in our lives had increased with more people picking up a cigarette.  There were a few who dared to gulp from a bottle of vodka and who claimed that its not that harmful nor does it give any sort of high and we all should try it.
As we entered tenth grade our parents told us to get serious as the shadow of the boards loomed large over our heads.
Even if we didn't study that much, and lets be honest we did not, all the talk around us by teachers, parents and relatives was of studies and what subjects we would take and that was a stress in its own way.
As the year progressed and the exams drew closer , the major excitement of our life was provided by the 9th chapter of the Biology textbook.
R.D. Sharma and R.S Agarwal became best friends for many of us (not me), while the rest of thought focusing on our school books was more than enough (me).
Around February was the time we actually started to study though with the exams due in March. This was also the time when we cursed ourselves for not starting earlier.
The exams happened and we came out of them unscathed.
The next 20-30 days were a bliss though, spent with friends or watching endless movies or episodes of friends with no stress of school, holiday homework or exams.
We had started liking school a lot by now but still the wait for the afternoon bell was just as eager.
We had graduated right to the edge of the last two rows in the bus and the people who sat in the end were not that approachable as our friends were but they were no longer intimidating but in our heads we wanted the last two rows for ourselves and could not wait for that lot to graduate and vacate the seats for us.

Before we knew it we were in class eleven, we chose our subjects or in some cases they chose us. We were divided into Commerce, Science and Humanities but united by our genuine desire to create a ruckus and to be a nuisance.
Eleventh grade was a joyous ride, it was right after the yearlong stress of the  tenth boards and we knew that much much more of the same awaited us one year down the line, we were finally old enough to do the things we were not allowed to earlier, well we probably still weren't technically allowed to do them but we finally had the courage to do them anyway, and now we finally had the time to do them also, everything fell perfectly into place.
For many of us even the parents were happy as we did away with subjects that we were awful at and thus our marks also improved.
The classroom was a more happier place than ever before, everyone had followed the backbenchers into the world of hilarious antics, non-stop blabbering and ofcourse annoying the teachers.
The first two rows were the only ones now who had any interest in what the teacher was saying, the last of a dying breed.
We finally started having late night outs  and no longer needed to be envious of our elder siblings for the same. The time to come home could now be 12:00- 12:30 and in some special cases if an added push was applied it could go up till 2AM.
Let alone afternoon naps, we now refused sleep at night also. Since most of us had cell phones and puberty was also hitting us, nights were spent chatting on Facebook trying to get his/her number and once you managed that incredible feat you would go to the recharge shop and get that 20,000 SMS per month pack put in your phone so that you could text all night.
Many of us started dating, in which case we would sneak our phones to school sometimes so that we could use it to text during the day also.
Sleepovers at our friends place had now become a common thing. We for the first time in our lives were tasting  the good parts of adult life and boy it tasted good.
Homework was still given, but let alone do it in the morning we stopped doing it altogether.
We used to tell our parents that we are going for group study to our friends house when we were just roaming in the colony with that one friend who had a car, probably smoking and listening to music.
Those of us who didn't smoke had hookah to save us and many of us were on the drinking bandwagon now. Many had gone beyond that even and had herb in their lungs.
 Some still resisted though and still had as much if not more fun.
There was always that one insane birthday which would throw up so many stories that they could last a year. Someone who got shit drunk, someone who got shut drunk and their parents caught them and all that.

Class eleven passed us by like that and before we knew it the final chapter of our school life was upon us and the most important one as well.
As we entered class twelve, everyone including our inner self told us it was time to get really really serious. Okay well not maybe our inner self but everyone and anyone else did tell us and this time we did seem to get the message.
We started the year thinking we will really study this time, we got tuitions put and started to prepare.
This didn't last very long though did it? Soon enough we were back at it. Back to the antics and not lending an ear for even a second to what the teacher was saying.
Making a fool out of our parents when we told our parents we were studying when all we really did behind the locked door was texting, or had our earphones plugged in and if neither of that then we were just staring at the ceiling planning a trip with our friends post the boards.
In school also even if we were staring at the teacher while she was teaching, all we were actually doing is wondering how would we save everyone if terrorists struck our school. We still waited for the afternoon bell.
We still went out with our friends, a little less but still. Convinced our parents by telling them our tired minds need and deserve a break.
Time flew quickly in the middle of books, tuitions, school and chilling and the boards were upon us.
We again actually started our prep in February only. Studying 6-8 hours a day to cover up for a year of not even touching the syllabus. Our mother was worried for us and kept refueling us with coffee, tea, maggi, biscuits, etc.  We definitely put on some kilos during this time.
It was time to bid farewell  to our school. As we walked in from those gates for the last time as students of the school we didn't realize how much we were going to miss this place.
During the farewell ceremony we were overcome with nostalgia as we saw our juniors perform for us, our teachers through the years were seated there and it suddenly hit us that every single one of them, whether we liked them or not, whether they liked us or not had a small part in making us who we were and for that we owed them.
Post the ceremony we met all the teachers, thanked them as they wished us goodluck for life and for our boards.
We then met with our batchmates and discussed the funny titles we had got. We then got to the shirt scribbling session and had  funny, sweet, nostalgic and many inappropriate things written on our shirts, we were going to keep them for a lifetime.
As we walked out of the gate a funny feeling in our stomach, our heart pounding and maybe even a moistness in our eyes we remembered the day we first came here and laughed at how it all turned out, how we turned out and how glad we were to meet these people we called friends.

Just like that our school life ended, in a flash. It started with terror of what was going to happen with school in your life, will you like it? Will people like you? Will you do well? It ended with the terror of what was going to happen with school out of your life, will you keep in touch with these people, will you do well in life? Will it all be different. Will life be a lot more tougher?
School had become something more than an educational institution. To put it in context, looking back now imagine meeting your friends, both close and not so close together every single day for seven hours,  5 days a week for thirteen years. It was the largest, most amazing and craziest chilling spot we would ever have in our life.
As the years went on though, most of us did not keep in touch though as life caught up with us, but the few of those who we still talk to are our friends for life, our closest companions and even if they were the only thing school gave us, which they were not for we recieved a lot more which  cannot be quantified, it was all worth it.
Even today as we clear our cupboard and find that signed shirt, we sit down to read those notes scribbled and wonder where those people are and what they are doing.
Even today when we drive back home from work, starting our careers , and cross the neighbourhood park and see a small kid with an angry expression on his face carrying some wickets or a ball back home and a pack of children chasing him, begging him to come back we allow ourself a wry smile, what we would give to go back to the simpler times. They were thirteen years of paradise, thirteen years of glory and thirteen years of guilty innocence.

How we long to hear that morning bell again, signaling the start of school for the day?